


GayVengers

by Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adopted Peter Parker, BAMF Pepper Potts, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Tony Stark, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Domestic Avengers, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gay Harley Keener, Lesbian Michelle Jones, Lesbian Shuri (Marvel), M/M, Multi, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Michelle Jones, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Tony Stark, There's A Tag For That, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Male Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22827733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak/pseuds/Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak
Summary: Peter's class takes a trip to the one place full of people who have more blackmail on him than MJ, and are slightly more ready to kill for him. Flash makes bad decisions, the Avengers come out, and Peter's class finds out about his found family.They also drool over his "secret" boyfriend from Tennessee.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 87
Kudos: 1088
Collections: peter parker and his field trips





	1. Where It All Started

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading some fan fics about Tony basically saying "This is my kid" and Peter being totally chill, and had to jump on that band wagon. Also, bisexual and trans Peter are now my head cannon, I love stories with him coming out and Tony immediately being super supportive and going after transphobe or homophobes, so yeah. I haven't decided if it will be a big part of this story, mainly because I don't know where this story is going. The Harley and Peter romance is something I stumbled upon and have decided to keep, mainly because it's easier for me to write out Southern dialogue...I'm not sure if that makes sense, but oh well. I hope y'all enjoy, and keep an eye out for updates, they will be coming. :)

It started out as a normal day, or as normal of a day as Peter could have. He was tired, borderline sleepwalking through his morning classes, and cursing the low level thugs that had decided to cause trouble right at the end of his patrol. Because of them, he didn't get back to the Tower until 2 am, getting a lecture from Tony about proper sleep schedules, then another lecture from Pepper about bleeding all over the couch instead of telling them he was hurt. By the time Tony had gotten him patched up, it had somehow gotten to roughly 3:30 am. He finished his homework and passed out sometime around 4:30 am, only to be woken up at 6:30 by Clint falling out of the vents onto his bed.

If it weren’t for Tony’s stupid “Spider Baby” protocol, he might have been able to save his day with coffee, but apparently his “Explosions per Experiment” increases when he’s caffienated. He thinks Tony just likes being hypocritical.

“Peter, pay attention.”

“Yeah Parker, stop slacking off.” Wow, who knew Flash’s voice could get more annoying with less sleep?

“As I was saying, due to our recent performance the Academic Decathlon team has been granted a tour of the Stark Industries Tower. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for most of us, so please be on your best behaviors. I need these permission slips signed by Thursday, or you will not be allowed on the Friday trip.”

“Ready to be exposed Parker?” Why does he always have to sound so creepy?

“That sounds pervy out of context Flash.” Honestly, Thor bless MJ.

“Shut it weirdo, go back to doodling.” Her “doodles” could pay for even your lifestyle if she ever sold them.

“Wow, what a great insult. I’d say do better, but I’m not sure you can.” MJ should be a registered Goddess or something. Maybe Loki could make that happen….

“Peter, are you okay?” Ah Ned, sweet Ned. Sweet, little guy-in-the-chair Ned. What a good boy.

“Peter, do you need to go to the nurse?”

“Is he dead?”

“No he’s not dead...are you dead?”

“Nah, just thanking Thor for bisexuality.”

“Isn’t Thor straight?”

“Nah, he’s pan. Apparently gender and sexuality isn’t a big deal on Asgard.”

“Wait, is Loki straight then?”

“Loki isn’t straight or cis. I think their genderfluid and aro-ace, although I’d have to ask to be 100% sure.”

“Are any of the Avengers straight?”

“Um...maybe?”

“How tired are you on a scale of one to ten.”

“3.14159-”

“Nope, you are not allowed to sing the pi song.” Rude.

“But why?”

“I’m calling Mr. Stark.”

“Noooo, he’s gonna say “I told you so” or somethin’.”

“Too late, his number’s already pulled up. And I’ll tell him about the trip so you can’t skip it.” Damn, sometimes I wonder if she can read me better than Aunt May could.

“You’re mean.”

“Hush small one, you can nap until Stark comes to get you. Ned and I will make sure you get all the notes and homework you probably missed.” MJ is a merciful Goddess...when it suits her.


	2. Good News or Bad NEws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's a jerk, but only sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still a bit of a mess, but I'm getting into the groove of this stuff. Also, this isn't my typical writing style, so it's gonna be awkward for the first few chapters. Hope you enjoy!

“I don’t wanna.” No, he was not pouting. Maybe just….okay he was pouting.

“I don’t care.”

“If you cared, you wouldn’t make me do this.”

“I care enough to make you do this.” Wow, so original.

“Where’d you find that, a parenting book?”

“That’s really none of your business, now get moving.” Pretty sure there are child labor laws against this.

“This is biphobia.”

“Kid, I’m bisexual. Hell, you’re barely a baby bi.” The audacity of this man is beyond ridiculous, kinda like his personality.

“You’ve been on the internet too much. It’s corrupting you.”

“Stop avoiding this. You’re going on the trip, it’s not going to kill you.” Yeah but Flash might. Or the embarrassment of going on a tour to my own home, with my embarrassing super family.

“You don’t know that. Hell, you could be putting my life in danger and you wouldn’t even know it.”

“You’re spiderman, you put your own life in danger more than I ever could.” Bet.

“Germany.”

“We don’t talk about Germany.”

“How about when you took my suit?”

“You can’t guilt trip your way out of this field trip.” Sounds like a challenge, I’ll have to remember that for when he adds another “Spider Baby” protocol.

“Worth a shot.”

“I’m definitely telling Pepper about this though. And Cap.” Low blow.

“You’re a bully and you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“You’re a brat who’s nervous about a silly school trip.”

“I don’t want to go on a school trip to my own house! I’d have to go all the way to school, then back here on a smelly, crowded bus, just to go back at the end of the day, and have to come back. It’s not worth it!”

“I could tell the school to just meet you here, and let you stay after.”

“None of my teachers will accept any note with your signature, they still think I’m making everything up.” They didn’t even believe me when I said it was just an internship, much less Ironman adopting me.

“Who the hell do they think you live with?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. You’d think legal documents would be convincing enough, but nope.”

“I swear, for a school made for advanced teenagers, it’s filled with dumb adults...and dumb students. Is there anyone else there with a decent IQ besides Ted and MJ?” He’s met Ned a million times and still can’t remember his name.

“What about me?”

“Your IQ isn’t decent, it’s ridiculously high. Almost as high as mine. But you’re a living disaster, so you don’t count.” Hypocrite.

“You poured coffee into a bowl and drank it.”

“And?”

“It was already in a mug...there was no need for the bowl.”

“Keep it up and I’ll have Thor bring Loki in for your school trip.” Honestly, that’d be kinda cool. Imagine, Flash goes to mess with me, and Loki yeets him out of the building. Or better, transforms him into something embarrassing, like a mouse.

“Mr. Stark, I hate you.”

“Nah.” Damn him for calling me on my shit.

“Yeah.”

“You hate the man who’s flying in your boyfriend all the way up from Tennessee?” What?

“Wait...you’re flying in Harley?”

“Yep. His mom and I have finally come to an agreement, one I think you’ll like.” That can either be really good for me, or really bad.

“What is it?”

“I think I’ll let him tell you that himself.” Damn, guess he’s in a cryptic mood today.

“Fiiinnneee...when’s he coming?”

“Depends on when he finally packs his shit.” I’ll probably be dead by then. I love him, but that boy is lazier than Nat when she’s drunk.

“Language.” Good ‘ole Cap. Always reliable.

“Fuck you Captain Profanity.” Wow, what a mature and well thought out comeback.

“Leave my boyfriend alone you walking tin can!” You get him Bucky. And maybe next time put the hickeys somewhere we can’t see...Steve looks like he got mauled by a bear.

“Shut it boys!” The queen has spoken. Her only equal is Pepper.

“Yes Nat.”

“Also, his room will be on the other side of the floor, with alarms on both your doors until an adult is awake.” Bitch, let me be with my boy. Nothing too inappropriate would happen. Atleast, nothing they would ever find out about.

“I hate this fucking family.”

“Language you little shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Also, I'm thinking of making a twitter Avengers post, so if you'd like to be one of the "randos" in it, leave a comment on a username. Or if you just want to comment about something random, that'd be cool too. Have a good day!


	3. The Dreaded Field Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The field trip is upon us, and something's up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never updated so much in one weekend before, but the support this story has gotten has put me in a writing mood for both this and some of my other fics. I'm glad people are enjoying my writing, and I lvoe reading y'alls comments! Hope you enjoy this chapter, and have a good day.

“Peter, wake up! It’s time for you to go to school, wouldn’t want to miss your field trip!” How about no?

“I’ll have Nat drag you out of bed!” And suddenly I’m up.

“Alright, alright, I’m up, now leave me alone so I can get ready!”

“Make sure you dress nice!” If it were anyone other than PEpper, I’d refuse.

“Yes ma’am!”

“Stop calling me ma’am! I’m not that old!”

“Well….” Tony, stop before you go too far.

“You do realize you’re older than me, right Tony? By calling me old, you’re calling yourself old.”

“What a beautiful, powerful, strong young women you are.” Kiss-ass.

“Peter, hurry up!” Damn, let me put on some pants!

“I’m hurrying!”

“Peter, how nice of you to join us.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you could be on time to something.”

“Oh hush MJ, I don’t need your snark.”

“I think it’s exactly what you need.” I don’t know how to feel about that.

“I think I’m going to call Shuri and tell her to come get her girl.”

“I have no problem with this.” Ha, gay.

“Peter! I saved you and MJ spots on the bus, hurry up!”

“Coming!”

“So Penis, gonna admit to your lies before you get called out for all of Stark Towers?” Seriously? Can he not leave me alone for even a minute?

“Flash, you’re going to look like a total idiot when I prove to you that my internship is real. Honestly, you look like an idiot now.”

“What’d you say to me?!?” You heard me chicken.

“I think your hearing needs to be checked.”

“That’s it, you’re dead!”

“Finally! I won’t have to listen to your bull-”

“Don’t finish that sentence Parker. And Eugene, stop starting fights. It doesn’t matter what either of you say or think, we’ll find out the truth once we get there. Just try to enjoy this rare opportunity without ruining it for everyone.” Wow, way to ruin my fun.

After a way too long bus ride, we arrive at Stark Towers.

“Holy shit that’s a big building!” Well duh.

“It looks so cool!” Fangirl mode:activated.

“I’m gonna work there someday!” Jokes on you, I live there.

“Alright students, enough gawking, let’s go into the building.”

“Hi, is this Midtown high?” Oh sweet, it’s Emily! I worked with her on a new AI she was trying to make.

“Yes ma’am.” Don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact.

“Great! I’m Emily and I’ll be your tour guide!” Oh crap, we made eye contact.

“Peter! What are you doing here!”

“This is my school…”

“Oooh, that’s why Mr.Stark told me to keep an eye out for you!” Crap, that means he’s planning something, probably at my expense.

“Crap. Do you know what he has planned?”

“Well….turn around.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger, just seemed like a good spot to leave off. I wonder what's waiting for Peter? ;)


	4. Boyfriends Are Okay...(The Real Chapter Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's life may be a mess, but at least it's a good mess....yeah he doesn't know what that means either, but oh well.

Holy shit...it’s Harley! I’m a bit embarrassed to admit the noise I made. Or to talk about how I ran and jumped into his arms. What can I say, I love my strong boy.

“Hey pretty boy, how’re you doing?” Can he not make me blush in front of my whole class?

“Shhhh, let me enjoy this before my class ruins it.”

“Whatever you say, darlin’.”

“Peter Parker, what on Earth do you think you’re doing?” Paying taxes, earning my check, and paying off a mortgage, duh.

“Um, cuddling my boyfriend?”

“This is not an appropriate place to indulge yourself in such provocative displays of affection!” I feel sorry for his wife if he thinks hugging is provocative. Or maybe it’s just “koala mode” hugging?

“With all due respect, sir, every employee here is used to it. You should have seen them over the summer, Mr. Stark actually created the “Hands Off” protocol, which would spray them with cold water if they were “hugging” for more than five minutes.” Damn Emily, way to expose me. And it took way too long to disable that protocol...many “intimate” moments were ruined...and recorded and uploaded to the Blackmail folder.

“Wait, seriously? Mr. Stark installed a whole new protocol into Stark Towers just for Peter?” It was mostly Harley’s fault…

“Yep! He’s actually installed quite a few, such as “Baby On Board”, “Shit We Lost The Kid”, and “8 Hours of Sleep Every 2 Days”. He’s quite protective over Peter.” All of those from Tony overreacting, I’m still fairly certain those wannabe scientists need to rethink their minimum number of sleep hours.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! Penis Parker can’t be that important!” Shit….you done goofed Flash, you goofed bad.

“What did you just say about my boyfriend?” Damn….not gonna lie, Harley’s murder voice is kinda hot.

“You heard me...why would anyone care about her?” Lol, rest in pieces dumbass.

“Why wouldn’t people care about him? He’s the best person I’ve ever met! He takes care of his friends and family, will do literally anything to protect people, and actually cares about the world around him rather than focusing on his own problems like you! I’ve seen him walk old ladies to the other side of the road, and refuse any thanks or payment! He’s an absolute angel!”

“Are we praising young Sonofstark?” Impeccable timing,

“Thor?”

“Oh my gosh! It’s Thor! Peter, it’s Thor!”

“Ned, you’ve met him before. Hell, you’ve played Mario Kart with him!”

“Hush, let me have my moment!”

“Come young Stark, I must regale you with my tales of adventure!”

“Thor, I’m kinda in the middle of something..”

“Your betrothed can come along as well!”

“We’re still not engaged.”

“Still? Why are all Misguardians so hesitant to go after what makes them happy.”

“To be fair, Tony said I couldn’t propose until after Peter graduates, so it’s not my fault.” Hold on, back up a minute, pause the game, I need to rethink my strategy.

“Wait, what?”

“Shh babe, go back into Koala Mode.”

“M’kay.”

“I’ve never seen Peter this still…” I can stand still! It’s just easier to chill out when I’m being held.

“Holy...did that boy just say he would have proposed if The Mr. Stark hadn’t said no?” Ew, I forgot how nosy my classmates were.

“Since when did Peter’s life become such a fairytale?” You don’t even know the half of it.

“Is no one gonna talk about how Thor, a literal God, called Peter Son of Stark? No? Okay then.” See, this boy knows how to ask the real questions. Too bad I can’t even remember his name.

“I can’t even right now…” Same.

“I don’t get paid enough for this.” Fair, but you have doubted me enough to deserve it.

“Alright everyone, it’s time to move on with the tour. Mr. Thor, you could come along if you’d like? That way you can talk to Peter and Harley, as well as the class.” How about no?

“That sounds lovely! Oh, and please keep an eye out for my dear little brother! He seems to have gotten lost…” Crap...that can’t be a good sign.

“Loki’s actually here? I’m gonna kill Tony.” If I ever get out of Harley’s arms….I guess he can live for now.


	5. Spider-Bears Are Better Than Teddy Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is travel sized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit short, school's kicking my butt and taking up all of my time. I changed the last chapter from an Author's Note to an actual chapter, so make sure and check that out first if you missed it. Have a good day readers!

“Peter, you have to get off him eventually.” I don’t think there’s a law about that, so no.

“Nah.”

“It can’t be good for his back...and I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t dropped you yet.” Jokes on you, I barely have bones, so he’ll be fine.

“What can I say, my boy’s got muscles.”

“Son-in-LawOfStark, maybe I could take over carrying the boy.” Son in law?

“Not a boy.”

“Peter, I am older than your species. You will always be a boy to me.” Well that’s not very fair.

“Then what is Steve?”

“I believe your culture calls it a “Grandfather”.” Oh shit.

“Damn Thor, insulting him when he’s not even around to defend himself.”

“Low blow Thor.”

“Who said I wasn’t around.” Wow, way to give me a heart attack.

“Holy…..Thor, it’s Captain America!”

“Is that the Winter Soldier?!” Surprisingly, the childhood “friends” hang out together, who knew?

“I can’t believe it! Not even thirty minutes into this tour and we’ve met three Avengers!” Four, but I guess I’ll forgive it since you guys don’t know who I am. Or maybe I’ll be petty and sulky for a few weeks, who knows?

“Hey kids! I’m Steve Rogers, and this is Bucky Barnes. Usually we don’t interrupt tours, but since this is Peter’s class, we decided to make an exception.” Jerks.

“Thor, why are you holding Peter?”

“Well, young Buck of Winter, his teacher told young Son-in-LawOfStark to put Young Peter down because it could hurt Young Harley’s back, so I decided to take over.” I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Mr. Harrington had in mind.

“Makes sense.”

“Is this like...a thing?”

“Is what a thing?”

“Carrying Peter around?” Unfortunately.

“Kinda.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s very cuddly.”

“He is travel size, I believe is the saying.” Where on Earth did he hear that?

“Literally no one says that.”

“Travel size is now my new catchphrase.”

“I hate all of you.”


	6. Magic Carpet Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MJ is a chaotic lesbian. That's all you need to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update has taken so long, Corona's messed up all my plans, and shifted my schedule so much I don't even know where to find it now. Hope y'all enjoy this!

“Alright, let’s get this tour back on track. And Thor, put Peter down! He is not a pet!” If I were in middle school, this would be a dream come true. Sadly, I am not, and this is a nightmare.

“I mean…” Why am I dating him?

“Harley, kindly shut up.”

“Sorry, I don’t speak pet.” Bullshit.

“You’ve literally spent half an hour, at least, talking to Mrs.Danver’s space cat.”

“Her name is Goose and she isn’t actually a cat, but go off I guess.”

“Calm your tits.” MJ, no...

“Michelle, I don’t have tits.” I still find it funny how she refuses to let him call her MJ.

“Then why even live?” What a lesbian power move.

“MJ, stop attacking my boyfriend.”

“He needs to prove his worth as your boyfriend.” Awww, she cares! In a very overprotective way.

“You didn’t seem to think that when I talked about having sex with him!” Wow, way to expose me. Maybe she’s in cahoots with Flash….nah, he can’t handle her sass.

“You’re a big boy, you can do what you want. Doesn’t mean I won’t torment your partners.”

“Back up a second, Peter and Harley did what?!?” Oh shit, I forgot about Steve and Bucky...and why am I still on Thor’s shoulders? How is this so comfortable?

“Um...nothing?”

“That’s it, we’re locking Harley out of the building.” Damnit, not again! It took way too long to convince Mr. Stark that making Harley go all the way back to Tennessee would be an overreaction.

“You can’t do that!” BAbe, don’t pick fights with super soldiers, it doesn’t end well.

“Try me string bean!” Damn, didn’t know Dr. Banner was here.

“Can we please get on with the tour? Please?” I’d feel bad for Emily, but she’s teased me way too much about my relationship, while being too chicken to ask out her crush. Karma might as well be the child of MJ and Shuri.

“I don’t know, this is some quality entertainment.” Traitors are coming out everywhere, At least I have Ned...nevermind, he’s looking way too amused by all this.

“MJ, this is your fault!”

“I’m not the one who decided to take a carpet ride.” That is the weirdest euphemism for sex that I’ve ever heard.

“Isn’t it supposed to be a magic carpet ride?”

“I wasn’t there, I can’t say if it was magic or not.” What is my life, and who do I send my complaints to?


	7. Power Couple?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear things up, Loki is genderfluid, and able to change their body to fir their gender. When in female form, the can control whether they have a period or not. In this case, it's sort of being used as a coping mechanism for when they're stressed and can't do anything about it. I have no idea why I put that in, but it seems to work well? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“Okay, now that we’ve finally left the lobby,” That glare was totally not necessary. “How would you guys like to visit the intern lab?”

“I thought they didn’t let tour groups in the I. labs?”

“Mr. Stark decided to change up the usual route.”

“On a scale of 1 to FLP, how screwed am I?” FLP being Female Loki on her Period. All girls are scary if you push them hard enough, but Loki’s biology means that when they decide to go through a human cycle, bad things are coming. It usually happens after they hear a homophobic pr transphobic comment, and they weren’t allowed to stab out the anger.

“FLP without chocolate or knives.” Shit, glad I wrote up my will after that fire incident. Or, as Mr. Stark calls it, “Stop Jumping Into Goddamn Fire Peter” #42. I’m pretty sure the number is exaggerated.

“Now, before we go in, I have to tell you all to turn off your phones. This does not mean to put it on vibrate or silence, I need it fully powered down. If I or any other employee see you taking pictures, or even texting one of your friends, you will be kicked out of the building, and banned from working here, or in any other Stark Industry building/facility.”

“Why is it such a strict rule?”

“These interns are working on top secret projects, many of which could have disastrous consequences if in the wrong hands. You know, standard villain dream come true kinda stuff that can and will help the world in our hands.”

“You mean under the glorious guidance of Mrs. Potts?”

“Ah, you must be MJ.” Speak of the Angel, and she shall appear. I know better than to call Pepper a devil, even in my own mind. Her powers know no bounds, nowhere is safe from her excellency. Most of that was stuff MJ has said when she was sleep deprived and loopy.

“Hello Mrs. Potts.”

“Hello Emily.”

“Is there something you needed? I wasn’t aware of any visit.” Liar.

“Oh no, I don’t need anything. I just thought I’d make sure the boys were behaving themselves.”

“What boys?” Ah, nameless classmate, what a great question.

“Dumbass god, wannabe power couple, and the two teen dweebs.” Oh great, Mr. Stark is here...just what this field trip needed.

“Wannabe power couple?”

“We’re literally jacked up, gay soldiers from the 1940’s who have fought nearly every category of villain in existence. How much more power do we need?” Damn, go off Bucky!

“Thor, why are you carrying Peter around?”

“Because Young Sonofstark’s teacher told Harley to put him down in order to protect his back’s integrity.”

“Makes sense.” How?

“Can I come down now?”

“No.” Rude.

“Can I hold him at least?” Ah Harls, such a naive country boy.

“No. You’re not allowed near him until you’re BOTH 18.” Damn Steve, that’s cold.

“Why are they being separated this time?” Note the “this time” in that sentence?

“They’ve been participating in...adult activities.” Brave enough to punch Nazi’s, old fashioned enough to refuse to say the word sex. What a superhero.

“Yes, that’s generally what teenagers in relationships do, especially when they love each other.” Oop, there’s the almighty L word. Scariest word I’ve ever heard, and yet, it fits.

“Yes, but they’re underage!” Great argument, works with every teen.

“So you and Goat-man waited until you were legal to get it on?” I hate this conversation. Also, Goat-man? Is that the best Tony could come up with?

“No, but times were different then. It was never legal for us, therefore it didn’t matter.” That’s some deep shit right there.

“Can we not do this right now? In front of my whole class?” Mr. Harrington looks done with life, and Flash looks nauseous.

“Fine, we’ll talk about this nonsense over dinner. And Thor, put the boy down.” Tony Stark, a nice guy.

“Now come on Petey-Pie, we got a tour to take over.” Nevermind. Tony Stark is evil and I’d like to report him to the cops for child endangerment via embarrassment. All the blood rushing to my face is becoming a serious danger to my health. 

“Come on darling, it can only get better.” Harley, you sweet little summer child, how wrong you are.


	8. Vent Rat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint joins the gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, life's a mess and getting my brain to focus is like getting a cat not to knock stuff of counters right now. Hope y'all enjoy, and stay safe!

Five minutes of peace. Five blissful minutes of only Emily, our lovely tour guide who deserves a raise or twelve, being the only one talking, leading the mostly calm group through the lobby and to the main elevator. That’s as far as the peace lasted.

“Why are the vents creaking?”

“Um...Mr. Stark? I think I saw a face….” Did it look like chewed up gum or an actual human? I know quite a few guys who like chilling in vents.

“Everyone, keep calm and walk to the sides of the hallway. There’s no reason to panic, it’s just our local ratman.”

“Excuse you! I am a hawk, not a rat.” And with that lovely introduction, Clint falls through the vent, attempting, and failing, to land on his feet.

“You’re getting clumsy in your old age.” Damn babe, kick him while he’s down.

“You’re getting bratty in your “grown” phase!” Did he think Harley said old phase? What even is an old phase? ‘It’s not a phase Sarah, I’m 60 not 23!’

“I said age, not phase.”

“Oh….I may have broken my hearing aides again.” How? They’re practically indestructible!

“Already? I just fixed them Monday!”

“Babe, go easy on him. The life of a vent rat is a tough and dangerous one, full of peril and dumbass decisions.” True, they are an endangered species due to their own dumbassery, quickly following in the Dodo’s footsteps.

“Language.”

“English. Sometimes more southern than some of these weak ass New Yorkers can handle, but still mostly english.” Can you not call me out? If people can have a language kink, I can mildly appreciate his accent. Yeah, mildly appreciate, that sounds right.

“Clint, put them on my desk and use the prototypes for now. Just stay away from any magnets. I’ll fix them when this mess is over.” No clue why they react so harshly to magnets, but I have time to fix them before we go to the public with them.

“How are you going to fix them when you have to go home after this?” Um, crap. When did these people get smart? Oh, maybe when I chose to go to a STEM school.

“Peter’s internship covers a lot of information, and involves a lot of time sensitive, hands on work, so he oftens stays weekends to get everything done.” Nice save Pepper.

“Where does he stay?” Narnia, my natural habitat.

“In his room?” Thor, not helping.

“Holy shit, you have a room here?” Oh crap, she cursed! Steve, get her!

“Mayhaps.”

“Stop trying to bring that word back. Let it die.” Cue the mini song Let It Die from The Lorax.

“You’re not the boss of me MJ!”

“I kinda am.”

“She kinda is.” Top 10 anime betrayals, you are now on my shit list Ned. Watch your back, I got confetti cannons and buckets of glitter, the extra fine kind. You will never not sparkle.

“She’s your Pepper, without all the romance.” And without me sleeping around, doing drugs and unhealthy amounts of alcohol, but that’s irrelevant.

“I-can’t argue that actually, it’s pretty accurate.”

“The Bucky to your Steve.” Clint, no.

“Nah, I’m his Bucky.” Harley, that’s kinda gay.

“So I’m gonna break multiple laws for you, and put my life on the line repeatedly even though you can take care of yourself?” Bucky’s struggling to breathe. Steve looks unamused. I’ve done my job.

“Yep.”

“I’m down for that.”


	9. Elevator Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you finally get to leave your class, only to get stuck waiting for the elevator while your pseudo uncles talk about their sex lives and therapy. Fun times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be a bit choppy due to it being written over a couple of days, but I hope y'all like it! Also, Loki's coming up, get ready y'all!

“Alright, now that the ratman is gone, we can continue. Emily, lead on!” Oof, she’s got a nasty death glare. Maybe Nat’s been teaching her?

“Oh really? You’re finally giving me my tour back? How sweet.” Oops, she’s pissed.

“Yes, now please don’t kill me. That would make crappy press.” Ah, the way to Pepper’s heart, avoiding bad press.

“Alright Midtown, let’s head to the elevator. Two groups, Peter and Co, and the rest of the class. Peter and Co will go last. Divide and conquer!” Bless Emily, I’m gonna send her a fruit basket after this. Wait no, a basket full of Bucky’s baking.

And with that, I get stuck with Ned, Tony, Harley, Thor, Bucky, and Steve. I was blessed with MJ and Pepper’s company.

“Sooo Petey-Pie, how’s the field trip going?” Tony, no. That’s almost as bad as Wade’s nickname for me.

“I can’t tell whether to laugh or cry...so pretty well.”

“Babe, that doesn’t sound healthy.” Neither does your singing, but I put up with it. Actually, his singing is amazing, especially when he sings country. Never knew how attractive a southern accent could be.

“Yes, and?”

“Peter, you need therapy.” Been there, done that. Apparently a minor losing all their family before the age of 17 is concerning, who knew?

“Tried that, didn’t go so well.”

“That’s because your therapist was an actual piece of garbage. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find one that works for you.” Times like this I remember how soft Bucky is.

“Oh yeah, didn’t you have to see one in Wakanda before coming back?”

“Yep, took a couple tries to find a guy who wasn’t intimidated by me. Apparently I bring out the toxic masculinity in others.”

“Not in any of us.”

“True. And I’m grateful for that. It would have sucked to constantly be in a pissing match with Tony, or Clint.”

“I was worried you’d be worse than Steve.”

“Hey!”

“Come on, you gotta admit that you didn’t adjust so well to the 21st century in the first year.”

“The stuff I see outside everyday here would have been enough to get someone killed back then.”

“Not to mention the stuff we do in private. Damn, we’d be dead twenty times over.” Gross. It’s like hearing your uncles talk about their kinks.

“Accurate.”

“Can we stop talking about your sex lives, please?”

“We can go back to talking about yours if you’d rather?” I’d rather go back under that building Vulture chunked on me.

“Carry on.”


End file.
